Tomorrow night is pay day. I'm pretty excited. It's so desperately needed though.. I'm getting foot surgery and so I called up my insurance company for pre approval. I found out that for some reason the screws going into each of my feet aren't totally covered. So while in the grand scheme of $22 600 something dollars $1000 doesn't seem like a lot in real life it's a butt load of cash cash dollars. When I see I have $356 in the bank right now and $88 on my credit card the idea of yet another chunky cost slapping me in the face makes me want to cry. In fact I did cry, at my desk at work. I found myself trying to figure out how much money I would save not going to the gym or catching the bus for a month that I could put towards it. Hey I'll save money not flying to chch to see Dylan because I won't be able to fucking walk onto the fucking plane. Better living everyone. My WOF is due this pay month, as is my rego, something on my car will probably fail. Yay repairs. It's the boyfriend's birthday plus he wants to go and try to teach me how to ski. I'm going to Bali with my family where I'll have to scrounge the flesh from other people's drunk coconuts and watch them do fun activities from afar. It's never ending and I feel totally out of control and conpletely exposed if something was to go terribly wrong tomorrow. I wasn't able to go shopping this weekend nor do food prep so for lunch today I had a spoonful of peanut butter because I couldn't buy my lunch and for dinner some fried eggs on toast. The worst bit was that I sat on the couch by myself with my plate on my lap and ate my eggs in silence. Food, especially dinner, should be eaten with people. Never have I felt more alone. I did the flat's dishes to try and distract me from myself.
The highlight of my day? Going through my wardrobe and finding my Nana's wee Woman's Institute membership knife. Then that made me cry because the box of cutlery smelt like her old kitchen (roast beef fat and gravy if you must know).
I found some lemon honey tea that I think might make everything better. I hope so anyway because at this rate I'm going to suffocate in my sleep from all the tear-induced snot blocking up my face.